put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
