Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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