Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
