I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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