i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
