Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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