fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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