i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
