The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
