chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Randomize
