Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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