So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Randomize
