bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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