Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Randomize
