does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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