I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
