Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
