I got chris browned last night
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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