I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Randomize
