I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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