if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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