Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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