i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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