I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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