we made out on top of his cat.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Shame is for Republicans.
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