My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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