It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
