Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
