its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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