i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
