I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
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