I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
