I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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