So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
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