Can i not drive my cunt home
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
