Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
