I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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