great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
