I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Randomize
