At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
