I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
