After last night, I could never be a politician.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
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