I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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