I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
