My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
