The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
