Pants 0. Shit 1.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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