I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
