Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
