Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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